Are you aware I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), and then make use of the flash films/games as the icing in the teenage-annoyance cake. So when the editor pushed Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online if you ask me, I had been suspicious.
Initially, I thought to question: “How did you realize I accustomed to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not simply, if I was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to trace down younger me but, if I was right, he would know I was into the bastard. Then a editor would foil living plans by occasionally whispering within my ear: “hey, remember this gem of any Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little confidence I have left.
Like the majority of narratives, I was asked who’s tale it was actually. So, one a little water around the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but just asking me my name. Although, noticing it was a web-based multiplayer title, I figured I’d hide how I’d be examining this game having a critical eye within my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, like most free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io starts off with a whisper. You happen to be runt, the foot of a pile, within a bad world seeking to shoot you at the back of the top. Or possibly a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and also other tanks. And So I did the most obvious thing: I blew from the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging each of the circle with names on them. Yes, the aesthetic could possibly be recreated with MS Paint and the only thing that may be missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me choosing upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. Something which became immediately obvious was when I planned to reside more than a child within a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, i then will have to pick regen at some point. Without it, I would be worn down over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked basically if i wanted a device-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or to be able to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly like a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the kind of simpleton to perform as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, away from fear of confusion otherwise, I went together with the assault rifle option on my tank.
Eventually, similar to most things, my time with Diep.io got to an end once i began picking fights with some other players. In spite of the highest damage output I could muster, probably the most speed, a huge regen pool, and much more health than I knew how to handle, other players were quickly in a position to put me in my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside having an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.